“I’m Fine” – a poem


A friend asked my oldest daughter to write a poem expressing how she felt our former pastor and church treated her and my other children as our family was experiencing the most intense private and public pain we had endured.  Although the entire church wasn’t privy to the details, they could see the devastation – yet they did almost nothing to help or show concern.  Our former pastor and leadership had known my children all their lives – the pastor baptized all 7 of them – yet he was callously indifferent to their feelings.  Even still, this pastor sides with their father, a confirmed abuser, though he has more than enough knowledge of their father’s abusive behaviors to make an informed choice regarding who he should support and protect.  This same pastor has condemned my children, called into question their faith as believers, and said wrong things about them.  He spoke with the court-appointed GAL in support of their father and when they were taken away from me for 126 days of no-contact, he did not step forward to help them or demonstrate care for them in any way, though they continued to be communicant members of his church.  The pastor is now under investigation by the regional OPC presbytery, due to a complaint I sent to them, which included similar stories of mistreatment by the pastor and elders toward 5 other women over the course of more than a decade.

As the investigation proceeds, my children and I continue to heal and move forward.  Still the pain is deep for all of them.  Their experience with this pastor and church has seriously affected the way they see the church as a whole.

Children have been the dismissed, ignored, forgotten casualties of pastors and churches who refuse to recognize them as people whose feelings matter, especially in cases of domestic violence.

This must stop.

Children are members of the body of Christ and they have value in Christ, just like adults.

Mark 9:42 says, “If anyone causes one of these little ones, those who believe in me, to stumble, it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea.”


I’m Fine by “E” (20)

Can you hear me?
Can you read between the lines?
Can you hear the pain
Behind the words “I’m fine”

Are we friends?
Or am I blind?
Do you even care
When I say “I’m fine”

You are the church
Christ’s hands and eyes
You should notice when
I say “I’m fine”

You don’t listen
You leave me behind
You never even hear
Me say “I’m fine”

I’m watching you
As you take sides
With the one who caused
The ache behind “I’m fine”

You turn your back
While I slowly die
If you listen, you will hear
Me whisper “I’m fine”

“God is Good!”
You shout the line
Yes, God is Good
And I am fine

You sing so loud
Your faces shine
But you are deaf to hear
“I’m fine”

You don’t believe me
And I resign
From trying to tell you
I’m not fine.

You demand the proof
You want a sign
Why do you believe me
Now that I say “I’m fine”?

The gossip’s yours
The story’s mine
One day I’ll mean it when
I say “I’m fine”

The storm is passing
The sun will shine
But sometimes I’ll still say
“I’m fine”

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